


Cockles: A Beginning

by CharlotteEtienne24601



Category: Supernatural RPF
Genre: Angst, Cockles, Coming Out, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Happy Ending, M/M, Polyamory, Polyamory Negotiations, Slow Burn, anyway, slower burn than I've written before
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2021-01-02
Packaged: 2021-03-10 19:28:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 8
Words: 11,081
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28302336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CharlotteEtienne24601/pseuds/CharlotteEtienne24601
Summary: Misha confesses his feelings for Jensen, and Jensen grapples with them before eventually starting a relationship with him.
Relationships: Cockles - Relationship, Jensen Ackles/Danneel Harris, Jensen Ackles/Misha Collins, Misha Collins/Vicki Vantoch
Comments: 26
Kudos: 50





	1. Chapter One

**Author's Note:**

> I have this written, and now I'm going back and editing more before posting. It's about 22 pages, 11,000 words!

“Mish, I really think you should talk to him.” Vicki asserted, carding her fingers through his hair.

“Yeah, I probably should. I just…I don’t know, what if it goes wrong? He’s never said anything about being anything other than straight…”

“Not  _ verbally _ ,” she put in.

“Right, nothing actually explicit. And I’m not sure if he even understands that about himself. And even if he does, who’s to say that he’s A, attracted to me and B, interested in having a relationship with someone who isn’t his wife?”

“Mish, you’ll never know until you try. Just be a big boy, take him out to dinner, use your words, and go from there. I’m not going to force you to do anything, of course, but you’re pretty gone on him, and I would hate to see you lose out on something that could be really good because you never asked.”

He sighed. “You’re right, of course. Thank you for being here for me, Vic. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“Well, it’s been like twenty years, I think we’re pretty well stuck with each other at this point,” she joked, kissing him on the cheek. He pulled her into a hug, then kissed her gently for a long time.

* * *

Once he returned to Vancouver, he invited Jensen out for dinner at the restaurant that was jokingly referred to as the place where they had had their first date. That night in 2008, they had still been getting to know each other, and Jensen had asked him to dinner. He had proceeded to hand over the menus and order the three least-ordered items. They had ended up with sweetbreads and brains.

Jensen agreed to go back there again, as long as  _ he _ was able to choose the foods this time.

* * *

Once they finished their food and were making their way through the last of their shared bottle of wine, Misha cleared his throat “So hey, Jen, there was actually something I wanted to talk about with you. Is…can I do that?”

Jensen looked at him curiously. “Sure, man, what’s up? Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, no, things are fine. I just. Okay, I practiced what I wanted to say, but now I’m a little flustered.” He took a sip of wine, then a deep breath.

“Mish, it doesn’t  _ seem _ like everything’s okay. What’s going on?” Jensen asked, concern in his voice.

“No, look, everything’s going to be fine. So, here goes. You know that I’m bi.” Jensen nodded, puzzled. “And you know that Vicki and I are non-monogamous.”

Jensen looked hesitant. “I guess? I’m not really…” he trailed off.

“It’s okay, just. That’s important to know as background for this.” He took a deep, calming breath, closing his eyes for a moment. “Jensen, I am really attracted to you, and I have romantic feelings for you. I would very much like to explore that with you. I know you would have to want it, and I know you and Danni would have to have some serious conversations, but…well, I wanted you to know how I felt.”

As he said this, Jensen first stared, then put one hand to his forehead, covering his face. There was a long silence after Misha finished speaking.

“Jen?”

Jensen slowly wiped his hand down his face. “Why…why, Misha?”

“Why am I interested in you? Or why am I telling you?”

“Both, I guess. I don’t even know, man.”

“There are lots of reasons why I’m interested in you. I love your laugh and your snark and how much you care, even when you pretend not to. And there’s lots of other stuff, too. And I’m telling you this because I want you to know and because I think we could be good together.” He paused. “But I’m not going to hold anything against you if you decide this isn’t right for you, for whatever reason. I just wanted to bring it up.”

“Misha, I…look, man, I’m not gay.”

“Neither am I.”

“Yeah, but you’re…you know.” He gestured vaguely at Misha.

“What, more feminine?” Misha sighed. “There are lots of ways to experience attraction, Jensen. And those don’t necessarily correspond with how people present. And it doesn’t make you less masculine to be attracted to other men, even if I’m not exactly macho. But you have to do that work within yourself and see whether it’s something that makes sense to you or whether you want to explore it.”

“What do you expect me to do right now, Misha?” Jensen asked, looking frustrated.

“I just want you to think about it. I’ve said my piece, and I would just like for you to give it some thought, see if it’s something you’re interested in, and then if it is, talk to Danneel and see what the two of you can work out. I won’t pressure you, and I won’t even bring it up again unless you do first. Okay? My first priority is maintaining the friendship we already have.”

Jensen downed the last of his wine. “Look, Misha, I can’t handle this. I’m not gay…or bi or whatever, and  _ I have a wife _ . I don’t want to talk about it, and I think I’m gonna just go home. I can’t spend time alone with you right now,” He signaled to the waiter.

“Hang on, why don’t we call Jared and go out to a bar, grab a few drinks? He invited me out earlier and I said I’d let him know. Let’s spend some time as the three of us and work on getting past this. It’s not gonna get less awkward by ignoring it.”

Jensen sighed. “Fine, I guess.”

The waiter came over, and Jensen pointedly asked for two separate checks, despite their usual arrangement of switching off paying, as if to make it clear that this was not a date. Misha sighed, and they each paid their separate bills. Misha called Jared and the three of them agreed to meet at a nearby bar.

* * *

Jared greeted them both with crushing hugs. “Hey, dudes, what’s up?” He asked, brimming with his usual puppy-like energy.

Jensen laughed awkwardly. “Oh, you know, not much, just…yeah.” He scuffed the toe of his shoe on the ground.

Misha gave a smile that didn’t quite reach his eyes. “We went to dinner, and then we wanted to see our favorite co-star. Shall we go in?”

Once they had been seated at a quiet table in a discrete corner of the room, nursing a beer each, they were quiet while Jensen picked at the label on his bottle and Misha sat quietly, mostly observing the table.

After a couple failed attempts at starting a conversation, Jared narrowed his eyes. “This is weird, guys. Why is it weird?” He looked back and forth between them.

Jensen shrugged. “It’s nothing, don’t worry about it.”

Jared rolled his eyes. “Yeah, sure, it’s very obviously nothing. Misha?”

Misha briefly looked up before examining the table again. “I just…said something I shouldn’t have said and upset Jensen.”

“Doesn’t that happen, like, twice a day? No, man, this is weirder. Jensen doesn’t hold that shit against you.”

Misha looked over at Jensen, who refused to meet his eyes. “Well, this time is apparently different.”

“Are you fucking surprised, Collins?” Jensen hissed.

Misha sighed. “Jensen…”

“No, man, you can’t just spring that shit on someone and expect him to have no reaction.” He glared at Misha.

“I didn’t expect you to have  _ no reaction _ , I just thought you might handle it like an adult. Clearly, that was too much to expect. Look, take the time you need, I know it’s a lot, but you don’t have to be a dick about it.”

Jared stared back and forth between the two of them as if he was watching a tennis game. “What the hell is going on, you two?”

Jensen sighed. “Ask  _ him _ .”

“Jen…” Misha started.

“No, man, don’t  _ call _ me that. Did you ever stop to think that it would make me uncomfortable?”

“Wow. It never has before.”

“Yeah, well, that was before you took me on what you obviously thought was a date and confessed your love to me, wasn’t it?”

Jared stared. “Wait, what? Really?” He turned to look at Misha, who nodded slowly, biting his lip. “You…but…okay, wow, that’s a lot to take in.”

“Yeah, I’m well aware,” Misha sighed.

Jensen downed the rest of his beer and stood up. “Look, I can’t do this tonight. I’m gonna go home, blow off some steam, think about all this, and go to bed. See y’all back on set in a couple days.”   


“Wait, Jensen…” Misha started. Jared cut him off with a look.   


“Look, man, let me at least get you a cab and make sure you get on your way alright, okay?” Jared volunteered. He turned to Misha, pointing at him. “Don’t you move, we’re not done talking.” Misha nodded.   


* * *

Jared came back from sending Jensen off with a round of shots. “I think I need to be more buzzed before I can deal with this. You’re welcome to share, but I get at least half of these shots.”   


Misha shrugged and joined him. “Thanks, Jar.”   


Jared shrugged. “Anytime.” He regarded Misha thoughtfully. “Now. Start from the beginning. What the hell is going on? I thought you and Vicki just did threesomes as like...a kinky thing...not like...whatever this is?”   


Misha nodded. “Historically, it’s been a little back and forth, and we’ve mostly been interested in casual things together, but there’s always been the possibility of something ending up more serious. Like, Vicki and her current girlfriend are getting pretty serious.”   


“And that’s just...like, that’s okay with you?”   


“Of course it is. So anyway, yeah, I talked to her about my feelings for Jensen years ago, and recently she’s been really encouraging me to say something to him. So tonight at dinner, I did. I just told him that I had feelings for him and that I thought we could have something really good if he was interested. But I also made it clear that he was perfectly free to say no and it wouldn’t affect our friendship at all. My friend Darius and I have been trading off having feelings for each other for basically our whole lives, and we manage to have a good, mostly platonic friendship anyway. I wasn’t going to pressure him or anything, you know? I would never. I just wanted to see if he was open to the possibility.”   


“Wow.” Jared scrubbed his hand over his face. “Man, I don’t know how you expected Jensen to react. You know he’s...well. Traditional, we’ll say.”   


Misha laughed sadly. “Yeah, I know. But I had to try. He’s so…” he gestured.   


“Ah, yes, ever eloquent, Dmitri.” Jared paused. “Look, he’s gonna be freaked out for a bit, but I think he’ll probably get over it and you guys can go back to your weird, extra-close friendship. I know that’s not what you want…”   


Misha sighed. “My top priority is keeping his friendship. Dating him would be amazing, but I’m not even hoping for that, based on how he’s reacted to this. I just want to go back to being friends.”   


Jared looked thoughtful. “Okay, listen, Mish. I don’t actually think it’s impossible that Jensen has feelings for you, too. I just think he’s going to have a lot of trouble processing things, and then there’s everything with Danneel even if he makes it through that whole thing.”   


“Really? You think there’s a chance?” Misha looked cautiously hopeful.   


“Yeah, I mean, with the way he is around you, I kind of always wondered if there was something more there. But he doesn’t like to talk about that stuff, as you know.”   


“Yeah, he’s not the most forthcoming, and he doesn’t want anything that might threaten his masculinity.”   


Jared laughed. “Yeah, exactly. But look, I have a plan. I’m going to bring you home with me tonight…” Misha raised his eyebrows and Jared laughed. “Fuck you, not like that. Whether or not Jensen swings that way, I definitely don’t. But no, come home with me, you can crash at my place. And then tomorrow, I’ll find Jensen and try to talk some sense into him, okay?”

“Won’t Gen mind?” Misha asked.   


“Nah, it’ll be fine. She’ll always help a friend in need.”

Misha smiled. “Thanks, Jay.”   


“Of course, dude.” He pulled Misha into a tight hug, then paid the bill and bundled Misha into a taxi, calling Gen to let her know that he was bringing Misha back for the night.

* * *

Before he passed out in Jared and Gen’s guest room, Misha checked his phone. Vicki had tried to call him once, then sent a series of texts.   


_ V: Hey babe, hope things are going well with Jensen. _

_ V: I’m sure they’ll be just fine, just wanted to send moral support. _

_ V: ...you haven’t responded in a bit. That either means things went  _ very _ well or  _ very _ poorly. _

_ V: Please let me know when you can, I’m a little worried about you. _

_ V: But if you’re busy consummating your new relationship, congratulations and I don’t want to interrupt ;) _   


Misha sighed, typing out and deleting a couple different messages before he settled on one.   
****

**M: I think he hates me now. I’m crashing at Jared’s tonight so I don’t have to be alone.**

Her response took a while to come, but it eventually did, just as he was about to fall asleep.

_ V: I’m sorry, babe. Do you want to talk about it now? _

**M: I’m going to try to get some sleep. Talk tomorrow morning? Love you.**

_ V: Sleep well and I love you so much. _

Misha eventually drifted off into a fitful sleep.


	2. Chapter Three

Jensen went to bed fuming and confused, and he woke up the next day the exact same way. When Danneel texted to wish him a good morning, he sent a half-hearted response that put her instantly on alert.

_ D: Are you okay, Jen? _   


Jensen sighed.   
****

**J: Just a long night. Don’t worry about it, babe.**

Danneel immediately called him.

“Hey, love. What’s up?” Jensen asked, trying to sound normal.   


“My beloved husband was very obviously not okay, so I decided to call him. What’s going on, Jen?”   


“I...I dunno, Danni, some things just got out of hand last night and I have to figure out how to move on from them, but it’s nothing for you to worry about.”   


“Oh, yeah, why would that make me worry?” He could practically hear her rolling her eyes. “Please tell me what happened, Jensen.”   


He cleared his throat. “ _ Misha _ happened.” She made an inquisitive noise. “Look, the guy has no understanding of boundaries, and he just demonstrated that again, that’s all.”   


“Yeah, but usually your reaction to that is to tease him back. What’s going  _ on _ ?”   


“I...Danni, he…” he hesitated.   


“Babe, please spit it out, you’re kind of worrying me.”   


“He basically asked me out, okay?”   


There was a heavy pause. “Wait, what? He knows you have a wife...doesn’t  _ he _ have a wife? I’m pretty sure I’ve even met her. Unless that’s over…?”   


“No, apparently they’re just...really, really non-traditional. And they let each other date other people? And that’s apparently just okay in their relationship.”   


“Hmm, I see.” She considered this for a while. “That makes sense. Now that I’m thinking about it, I would totally expect him to be into that.” She hesitated. “Jensen. Are you interested in him?”   


“ _ Danneel _ ,” he growled. “I’m not gay. Why the fuck does everybody think I’m gay?”   


“Whoa, okay, relax. I know you’re not gay, but you  _ know _ there’s more to sexuality than that. And I know you’ve…”   


“Danni, whatever you’re about to say…”   


She carried on as if he hadn’t spoken. “I know about Austin Peck, Jen, I’m not an idiot. I know you’ve been attracted to men in the past, it’s not a crazy idea that you might…”   


“Danni, that was nothing, that was me being a dumb kid messing around with a friend because it was convenient and we were young and confused…”   


Danneel sighed. “Jensen, you can justify things however you want, but I think we both know that you’re not entirely straight.”   


“What...look, why are we even talking about this? Even if I  _ did _ feel that way about Misha, which I definitely don’t, I’m  _ married _ , and I don’t do that kinky shit that he does.”   


Danneel hummed thoughtfully. “Look, Jen, I’ve sometimes wondered if something like that might make sense.”   


“ _ What?? _ ”   


“No, just, hear me out. We’re both gone a lot, and I love you so, so much, but I’ve definitely considered if we couldn’t...add to our lives in one way or another.”   


“What the fuck, Danneel? I didn’t expect this from you, of all people.”   


“Look, Jen…”   


“Nope, I can’t do this right now, not with you too. I feel like everybody is against me on this.”   


“Jensen…”   


“I’m going to hang up now. I have to seriously re-examine...everything I thought I knew about multiple people in my life.” He hung up. She called back, but he didn’t answer.

_ D: Jensen Ackles, I swear, if you don’ t pick up this phone... _

He ignored her text, instead grabbing a beer and turning on a football game to watch.

* * *

After a couple hours, there was a knock on the door. He opened it to find Jared on the other side. “I’m coming in, we need to talk.” Jared announced, shouldering past Jensen and plopping down on the couch. He patted the cushion next to him. “Come join me, bud.” Jensen reluctantly sat down on the other end of the couch, leaving space between them.

Jared rolled his eyes. “I don’t bite, and I’m not even going to confess my love to you.”

Jensen smiled weakly. “Thank God.”   


“Look, man, you know Misha. He’s open about his emotions, and he says what he means. If he says that he’s interested but won’t hold it against you if you’re not, he means it.”   


Jensen nodded. “But why the fuck did he even think I would be interested? Why would he even bring it up? I’ve never done anything to suggest…”   


Jared made a disbelieving noise. “Jensen.”   


“ _ What _ ? I’m straight, I don’t flirt with men, I have a  _ wife _ …”   


“Okay, Jen, don’t take this the wrong way, but only one of those three things is true. Listen,” he said, moving to sling his arm around Jensen’s shoulders in a comforting gesture. “You and Misha spend all day, every day, finding new ways to flirt with each other. You flirt, you blush, you look at him like you can’t believe you’re lucky enough to have him in your life...and, man, I’ve definitely seen you check out other guys on set or at cons or whatever.”   


“That’s so fucking untrue,” Jensen spat, shrugging his arm off. “I have fun with Misha, but it’s just friendship. He was the one who had to go and make it weird, I was never thinking that way. You and I mess around all the time, too, and so far you haven’t propositioned me…”   


Jared turned serious, although his mouth twitched up as if he was fighting a grin. “Listen, Jen, I really wanted to tell you...I think I’m in love with you.”   


Jensen punched him in the arm. “Not funny, Padalecki.”

Jared grinned. “Dude, you have  _ got _ to loosen up. Listen, what you have with Misha is...it’s different. And I think, if you really think about it and let yourself have the feelings you’re pushing away, you’ll probably realize that. The two of you are special and have a lot of chemistry. Do you remember that time that your chemistry turned his five episodes into a whole bunch of seasons?”   


“Man, that was just, like...stage stuff. I’m not in love with everyone I’ve had on-camera chemistry with…”

“No, just your wife. And by the way, when Gen and I were first getting together, there were a bunch of parallels between the two of us and the two of you. Everybody noticed. Anyway, come on, dude, let me take you out for breakfast, see if we can’t get you out of this funk.”

Jensen reluctantly agreed, and they left for breakfast, starting to talk about the game and as many topics that they could find that weren’t Misha.


	3. Chapter Three

When he woke up, Misha made his way to the kitchen, running into Gen once he got there.

“Hey, Misha! Jared told me you were staying the night, but he didn’t elaborate. Is everything okay?”

Misha sighed. “Not really, no.”

“Do you want to talk about it?”

“...I guess I could. I mean, not really, but I probably should. I could make us breakfast if you want any and then we could chat?”   


She smiled. “I’d like that. Jensen always talks about how good your food is, especially your breakfasts. I’d love to get the chance to sample one.”

He sighed. “Yeah, well, I’m glad you got the chance to hear Jensen speak positively of me, because it’s never going to happen again.” He busied himself finding eggs and a pan.   


“Wait, what? What’s going on? You two are so close.”   


“Not after last night. I’m afraid I made a complete mess of things, Gen.”

“Why, what happened?”   


Misha hesitated. “So, uh. I told Jensen I wanted to date him, basically.”

“Wait,  _ what _ ?”

“Yeah, that keeps being the reaction.” He sighed.

“I mean, what do you expect? You’re both married, you both...well, appear to be straight, at least…” She looked at him questioningly.

“I’m bi. And, um. Vicki and I are non-monogamous. Anyway, Jensen freaked out, and I’m not sure we can repair our friendship. He’s really upset.”

“Hey, hon,” she stood up. “Can I hug you?” he accepted. “Listen, it’s going to be okay. Jensen loves you. I don’t know if it’s in the way you want, but he definitely does, and the two of you will figure things out.”

He smiled sadly. “Thanks, Gen, that’s sweet of you.” He served them their breakfast and they ate mostly in companionable silence.

* * *

After breakfast, Misha told Gen he was going to call Vicki.

“Hey, love,” she answered. “How are you feeling? What happened last night?”   


“Jensen was pretty disgusted and barely even heard me out. I don’t think he’s ever going to want to be friends with me again.”   


“Okay, hold up, babe, you’re catastrophizing. What happened, exactly?”

“I was nervous, but I told him, and I made it really clear that I wanted to preserve our friendship and even if he turned me down it wouldn’t affect anything in the long run, but he was pretty angry at me the whole rest of the night, even when we met up with Jared.”

“I’m sorry, hon, I know this was a big deal for you. But he could still come around, honestly. You’re an important part of his life, and he’ll have to see you on set and hopefully remember how much he loves being around you.”

“I just feel like I fucked everything up, you know?” Misha teared up.

“Hey, it’s okay to communicate what you want or need from people. It’s super early to tell how this is going to affect you guys in the long run. Can you try to remember that he is still processing and that he’ll probably feel differently once he has thought about it some more?”

Misha sighed. “You’re right, of course. I just, I don’t know. I’m embarrassed and hurt and a little angry at myself.”

“Mish…” she sighed. “Look, sweetheart, this is going to be okay. I’m pretty sure he’ll get over whatever is going on in his head right now and that you’ll pick up more or less where you left off.”


	4. Chapter Four

The next day, the three of them had scenes to shoot together. Jared tried to cut the tension between Jensen and Misha, but it was awkward and they had to continually do retakes because both were distracted and kept forgetting their lines and missing their marks. Finally, they called it a day, having accomplished at least most of what they had wanted to film that day.

Jensen made a beeline for his trailer, and Misha followed him. “Jensen!” he called. Jensen ignored him. Misha caught up. “Hey, we need to talk.”

Jensen turned to face him, rolling his eyes. “You did plenty of talking the other day. I think we’re done with that.”

Misha sighed, running his hand through his already-rumpled hair. “Look, I understand you’re not interested, you’ve made that very clear. But look, I’m an adult. We both are. I’m sure you’ve had friendships, even close ones, with people who are attracted to you. I expressed myself, you’ve now expressed yourself, we can be done with it. I just want our friendship back.”

Jensen put his hands in his pockets and shrugged. “Yeah, me too, man. I just...everyone keeps questioning my sexuality and shit and I hate it. You, Danni, Jared...it’s not okay.”

“I’m prepared to drop this. I’m not going to try to force you into saying or thinking anything you’re not comfortable with. I wanted to let you know where I was at and give you something to think about, but it sounds like you’re not there, and that’s okay. Can we please just go back to our friendship?”

Jensen sighed. “Yeah, it’s fine, I get it. Just like...don’t bring this up again, okay, Misha?”

Misha smiled softly at him. “Of course.”

* * *

Once he got home, Jensen called Danneel.

“Hello, Jensen,” she picked up, sounding annoyed.

“Hey. Um, is this an okay time?”

She sighed. “Yeah. What’s up?”   


“Danni, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have treated you like that, and I definitely shouldn’t have hung up on you.”

“No, you really shouldn’t have. And then you didn’t even call me back until now.”

Jensen sighed. “I’m sorry. I’m freaking out a little bit, and I didn’t want to talk about it. But I’m calmer now and I’ve sort of worked things out with Misha, and I just...I just wanted to apologize.”

“I understand this is a lot for you, Jen. What did you work out with Misha?”

“He’s not going to bring it up unless I do, and we’ll just be friends and ignore the awkwardness until it goes away.”

“Hmm.” She said thoughtfully.

“What?”

“Jen, are you sure you don’t want something more with him?”

“Danneel…”

“We don’t have to discuss this if you don’t want to, but please just think about it. If you decide that that is something you want, we can talk about it, okay? I want you to feel like you can come to me with anything.”

“Thanks, Danni. I think I’d like to just not think about it right now. Is that okay?”

“Yeah, Jen. I love you, okay?”   


“I love you, too.”


	5. Chapter Five

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jensen is finally honest with himself about what he wants.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I did my best with the bi/pan thing, but let me know if there's a better way to say it or anything.

“Hey, Mish, want to come over for a drink after shooting?” Jensen asked.

Misha gave him a gummy smile. “I’d love to!”

“Great. We’ll get Cliff to give us a ride, and then you can crash at my place so he can just pick us both up from the same place tomorrow. Sound good?”

“Yeah, Jen. Thanks!”

Their friendship had slowly gotten back on track in the last six months. Jensen especially had been awkward at first, but he had gotten more comfortable as time went on, and now he was back to spending time alone with Misha without any tension between them. Misha, for his part, was relieved that he had his friend back.

* * *

When they arrived at Jensen’s apartment, Misha plopped down on the couch while Jensen went to get them a bottle of wine and two glasses.

“Ooh, wine tonight, very fancy, Jen!” Misha said, grinning at him.

“Yeah, well.” Jensen blushed slightly. “I had this nice bottle, and I know you appreciate this stuff more than me, so…” he trailed off awkwardly.

Misha busied himself uncorking and pouring the wine. “That’s very sweet of you.” He took a sip of wine. “Wow, as is this! That is...wow, very, very sweet wine.” He examined the bottle.

Jensen looked nervous. “Do you not like it?”

“No, no, it’s great. Thanks!” They drank their wine in silence for a moment. “So, what do we want to do tonight? Just chat? Watch something?”

Jensen took a deep breath. “Actually, I had a thing I wanted to talk to you about.”

Misha raised an eyebrow. “Oh?”

“Yeah.” He bit his lip, looking down.

“Did you want to share it, or should I start guessing?”

“Just, give me a sec, Mish.” He took a deep breath. “You know that thing you said like six months ago?”

Misha looked up suddenly, surprised. “The thing we were never going to bring up again?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, uh. I was hoping we could talk about it.”

Misha looked wary. “What aspect of it did you want to talk about?”

“I...all of it, I guess.”

“Really.” Misha stared.

“So just...I’ve been thinking a lot about it. I’ve been thinking about it way more than I should have been, and I just...I don’t know what to do now.”

“Can you extrapolate a little bit on that, Jen?” Misha asked gently.

“So when I told you I was straight…” he hesitated. “Like, that’s mostly true. I’ve...I love women a whole lot. And those have been my relationships, and I’m happy with that.”

“But…?”

“But I think maybe the...other part of that might be true, too.” He blushed, looking away.

Misha finished his glass of wine, considering Jensen. “So you think you’re bi?”

Jensen shrugged. “I guess? That label really doesn’t appeal to me.”

“Hmm, why not?”

“It just...it doesn’t feel accurate, you know?”

Misha nodded. “So there are a couple possibilities here. It’s possible that you’re feeling some shame around the whole concept. But it’s also possible that there’s a label that would fit you better, like pan or queer.”

“...pan?” Jensen looked puzzled.

“It’s...complicated, but it’s like bi, but some people like one or the other for various reasons. Some people think of pan as more personality-based, although that’s not necessarily true. Sometimes people say ‘hearts, not parts’ for that. And some people think that one or the other is more inclusive of all genders.”

Jensen nodded slowly. “Okay, that’s...we’ll come back to that. But that ‘hearts, not parts’ thing…”

“You feel like that might fit you?”

“I think it might. The...when I’m…”

“...attracted to men…”

“Yeah. Anyway, it feels much more like a personality thing than anything else. Even when I’m attracted to women, that’s really how it is.”

“Then maybe you’re pan, Jen.” Misha hesitated. “But you don’t have to choose a label, and you don’t have to tell anyone you don’t want to tell. You know that, right?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah, so. I don’t know.” He looked down, picking at his fingernails.

Misha gently placed his hand over Jensen’s. “Hey, remember, don’t do that. Dean needs perfectly manicured fingernails.”

Jensen laughed quietly. “Yeah. Mish?” he asked, sounding uncertain.

“Yeah, what’s up, Jen?”

“What you said back then...I think...me too.”

“Can you be a little more specific about that? I don’t want to misunderstand you.”

Jensen gulped. “I think I, you know. Well, I  _ know _ I...like you back. I’m interested in you.” He turned away, blushing.

“Oh, Jen,” Misha breathed, wrapping his arms around Jensen comfortingly.

Jensen looked at him behind lowered eyelashes. “So. Yeah. That’s...a thing.”

Misha smiled, tearing up slightly. “That makes me really happy.” He paused. “Have you talked with Danneel about this?”

Jensen shook his head. “I’m too nervous. I mean, when we talked about it before, she seemed on board with it, but I wasn’t ready to talk about any of that, so we never really had the discussion.”

Misha nodded. “Okay. Okay, so. You’re telling me you’re interested in something more here, right?” Jensen nodded. “Alright. Then it’s time you had a conversation with your wife.” Jensen pulled out his phone.  Misha laughed a little. “Jen, it’s like 1 AM.”

“She might be up!” Jensen argued.

“Jensen Ackles, please don’t risk waking your wife up in the middle of the night so you can ask her if you can sleep with your costar. We  _ want _ her to say yes.”

Jensen cracked up, blushing, then sobered. “Is that...is that what this is?”

“Is  _ what _ what this is?”

“Like, are we talking about just sleeping together, or…”

“Ah. Jen, I want so much more than that with you. I understand if you don’t, but that’s...yeah, that’s where I’d like us to end up. In a romantic relationship, with all that entails. If you want.”

Jensen grinned for the first time in the conversation, and Misha felt his world light up. “Yeah, Mish. I want that, too.” They spent a few moments just gazing at each other before Misha made a quip about Dean and Cas that cracked both of them up.

“Let’s watch something short and then get some sleep, okay, Jen? And then in the morning you can call Danni and we’ll see where we go from there.”

“Okay.” Jensen sighed. “I wish…”

“I know, Jen, me too. But we would both regret it.”   


“I know.” Jensen leaned back against Misha’s chest, and they picked out a movie to watch.

* * *

The next day, Misha woke up in Jensen’s guest room and made his way to the kitchen, where he started making breakfast and coffee, figuring that the good smells might wake Jensen up. As luck would have it, he was right, and they had a quiet breakfast together, exchanging shy smiles whenever they caught each other’s eyes.

Misha chuckled at one point.

“What’s up?” Jensen asked.

“Oh, just how much we’re behaving like high schoolers with their first crushes.”

Jensen laughed. “Well, to be fair, it’s been a  _ long _ time since I’ve actually had a ‘crush’”.

Misha grinned. “Fair enough.”

When breakfast ended, Jensen retreated to the living room to call Danneel. Misha was hesitant. “Do you want me to be here for this, or should I go hang out in the other room while you two talk?”

Jensen caught his hand and looked at him pleadingly. “Please stay.”

Misha smiled and squeezed Jensen’s hand back. “Of course.”

They settled onto the couch, and Jensen dialed Danneel’s number.

“Hey, babe! To what do I owe the pleasure of an early-morning call?”

Jensen smiled nervously. “Can’t a guy call his wife when he feels like it?”

She laughed. “Yes, but usually you’re either working or half asleep at this hour. Or both.”

“...yeah, fair. Okay, I do have something I wanted to talk to you about.”

“Oh, this sounds serious. Jen, you sound nervous. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah, it’s fine. It’s...yeah, everything is fine.”

“You’re not being convincing, Jensen Ackles.”   


“No, babe, I swear, everything is fine. It’s just...so Misha spent the night last night.”

She choked. “I’m sorry, what??”

Jensen backtracked. “No, no, not like  _ that _ , just like...he crashed in my guest room.”

“Oh-kay…”

“But um. Before we went to bed…”

“Oh no, Jen…”   


“No, no, not that, either.”   


“Well, then, spit it out.”

“I’ve been thinking a lot about this, and I...yeah, I am also attracted to Misha. Like he, and you, and Jared all thought like six months ago.”

“Huh. Well done, love.”

“What?”

“I was beginning to think you’d never get there. I wasn’t going to push you, but it was so obvious, and I really hoped you’d figure out your feelings.”

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m not mad.” she confirmed. “So, just to check, you haven’t hooked up with Misha?”

Jensen looked horrified. “God, no, Danni. Not at all. We haven’t so much as kissed. I wouldn’t do that to you.”   


“Okay, well, good. But you would like permission? To, uh,  _ kiss _ him?”

“I...Danni, it’s okay if you’re not okay with that. I would never…”   


“Jen, relax. I’ve thought about this a lot over the past few years…”

“ _ Years _ ??” Jensen cut in.

“Yes, you’re very obvious. Hush.” She continued. “I want you to have this. So...do what you want to do with Misha. Just...be careful, use protection, and keep me updated, okay?”   


“I...Danni, I don’t know what to say.” Jensen looked to Misha, who squeezed his hand encouragingly.

“Say that you’ll go kiss Misha when you get off the phone with me so you two can start your happily ever after.”

Jensen groaned. “Danni, it’s not…”   


“It had better be. Anyway, I love you very much, but I think you have more pressing things going on right now.”

“I love you too. Hey, Danni...thanks. I can’t...I don’t know how to thank you enough.”

“No need, babe. Have a good day, and we’ll talk later.”

They hung up, and Jensen turned to Misha, a little shell-shocked. “Well.”

“Well?” Misha looked at him with a mixture of eagerness and concern.

“She said yes.”

Misha grinned at him. “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” They stared at each other, each hesitant.

“...hey, Jen?”

“Yeah, Mish?”

“Can I kiss you?”

Jensen blushed. “Of course you can.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've added another chapter because I realized the one intended to be Chapter Six was really long.

They spent most of the day enjoying each other’s company and exploring each other. After dinner, Misha cleared his throat.

“So, I think there are some phone calls we should make.”

“Phone calls?”

“Yeah, like...I should call my wife, you should call yours, we should definitely break the news to Jared…”

Jensen hesitated. “I...don’t know if that’s the best idea?”

Misha looked at him in consternation. “Why not?”

“Jared can’t keep a secret. If he knows, then everyone knows.”

“First of all, I feel like you’re not giving him enough credit. He has a big mouth, but he knows when things are actually important, and I don’t think he’d out us. Second of all...I know you’re nervous about this, and we can go slowly, but I need you to know that I can’t go back into the closet for you, at least not long-term. It’s...I can’t hide who I am, and I can’t hide who I’m in love with, and…”

Jensen’s jaw dropped. “What.”

Misha looked confused. “I was telling you that I need to live authentically…”

“You said, ‘who I’m in love with’.”

“I...yeah, I guess I did.” he laughed at himself, scrubbing his hand down his face. “Well, we’ve been dating for like...almost nine hours now. I thought it was high time I told you.” He laughed at himself, then paused. “No, I...I hope this doesn’t freak you out, Jen, I know it’s way too soon to be saying those kinds of things, but...well, it’s not untrue. I’ve had a lot more time to think about it than you have, and I don’t expect you to say anything back.”

Jensen pulled him into a hug. “You’re probably the sweetest man alive.”

“Aww, Jen, I’m glad you think so.” He smiled. “So, anyway. I feel like the people close to us should know. Can you imagine keeping this from Jared? He would figure it out in two seconds, and then we’d really be in trouble.” He paused. “As for the rest, being public and everything, we’ll figure that out, I’m not as worried about that part of things.”

Jensen nodded slowly. “Okay. Yeah, we can do that. I just...this is a lot, Mish, and it’s all really new to me.”  
“I understand. Let’s start with calling our wives and go from there, okay?”

* * *

After checking in with Vicki and Danni, they called Jared and arranged to have lunch with him.

Misha and Jensen arrived first, claiming a table in a quiet corner so as to try to have some privacy. When Jared came in, he gave them both bear hugs before joining them.

They chatted for a few minutes while the waiter took their orders. As they were waiting for the food to arrive, Misha glanced at Jensen, then spoke. “So, Jar, there was actually a reason we asked you to have lunch today.”

“Wait, you mean it’s not just because you love me?”

“I mean, of course we do. It’s just not the primary purpose this time.”

Jared looked suspiciously between the two of them. “Hang on...you two showed up at the same time, Misha was _early_ for once in his life, you’re speaking in _we_ …”

Misha smiled. “You’re being unusually perceptive, Padalecki.”

Jensen sighed. “So yeah, Misha and I have decided to date.”

Jared grinned. “Oh man, you have no idea how excited I am for you! This is gonna be so great. You’d better not hurt each other. And there are so many pranks and jokes just waiting…” he trailed off dreamily.

Misha laughed. “I’m so pleased to hear that you care about us, Jared. It means the world.”

Jared paused. “So does this mean I can’t play with your balls on set anymore, Misha?”

Misha smirked. “It didn’t bother you when I just had a wife. I’d _prefer_ you didn’t, but I’ve preferred that for several years now and it hasn’t made a difference, so I’m not sure why anything should change now.”

Jared cracked up. “Great, I’ll just keep doin’ what I’m doin’, then.”

Jensen sighed. “I’d really rather you didn’t…”

“Aww, jealous? He’s your boyfriend, let me have this one thing.”

Misha laughed. “Right, Jen, we haven’t actually discussed terms.”

“You haven’t? Didn’t you spend the whole of yesterday…” a look of horror came over his face. “Nevermind, forget I said anything. I’m so used to teasing you about it, it’s scary that now it’s _real_.” He paused. “Also, I owe Gen a hundred bucks.”

Jensen looked murderous. “What? Why?”

“She bet you’d figure your shit out by the end of the season. I thought it would take longer.”

Jensen sighed. “Jared…”

Misha put a comforting hand on his shoulder. “Jen, remember it’s just Jared and this is how he is. Nothing’s going to change with regards to…” he gestured towards Jared. “...you know, _this_.”

“Damn straight,” Jared grinned.

“Oh, but we’re not.” Misha laughed. Jared groaned, and Jensen shifted uncomfortably. Misha rubbed his shoulder, turning to look at him. “You okay, babe?”

“Yeah, I just. Yeah, it’s fine.”

Misha bit his lip. “Gay jokes have always been okay before…”

“Yeah, but now it’s different, you know?” Jensen looked down, suddenly fascinated by the table in front of him.

“Jen…”

“Look, let’s talk about this later. Jared’s here, let’s just. I don’t know. Talk about the Cowboys.”

Jared laughed. “Dude, they’re way out of season.”

“Man, I don’t know, let’s just talk about something that isn’t my sexuality.”

Both Misha and Jared obliged, working to find other topics.

* * *

Once they got back to Misha’s place, he turned to Jensen. “Hey, look, we should talk about a couple things.”

Jensen sighed. “ _Now_?” He kissed Misha, crowding him against the wall, and hoping to distract him.

Misha pushed him gently away. “Yes, now. I think we need to have these conversations before things go much further.”

“Man, we’ve already...you know. There’s already been stuff.”

“Yeah, and I’m romantically invested, and you said you are, too. That involves talking.”

Jensen sighed. “Okay. Can we sit down?”

“Of course.” He led Jensen to the couch, where they sat down and cuddled up together. “Look, Jen, I know this is all new to you, and I don’t want to push you or make you uncomfortable, but I do think we need to establish some baselines and a plan for moving forward.”

“...okay?”

“Well, first, this should be an easier conversation, but what do you want to call ourselves? Boyfriends?”

Jensen hesitated. “Boyfriends sounds like we’re about fifteen years old.”

“Partners?”

“That...sounds really gay.”

“ _Jensen_.”

“I dunno, man, it does.”

“I sometimes call Vicki my partner. Also, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but we are both men. That makes this a little bit gay.”

“I _know_ you’re a man, I’ve seen your dick…”

“ _Not_ what makes someone a man, Jensen.”

“I...what?”

“There are men with vulvas and women with dicks and people who are neither with each. And even other variations. And it’s transphobic to imply otherwise.”

“I...okay, I’m sorry. I need to learn more about that, clearly. Can we talk about it another time, though? I want to make sure we have this conversation, first.”

“Yeah, we’ll work on it. Just for now, please don’t equate being a man with having a dick, okay?”

“I...sure, Misha, I’ll do that.” He paused. “What I was saying was, just because it’s technically, you know, not straight...doesn’t mean we have to like...lean into that?”

“You should do what you want to with your identity, and you don’t have to label yourself or even necessarily call me anything in particular right now, but I need you to be comfortable enough that when we come out to people, you don’t freak out every time. That’s kind of the bare minimum for me.”

“Okay. Yeah, okay. I don’t know how to do that.”

“We can take it slowly, get you used to talking about our relationship with the people who know...Vicki, Darius, Danni, Jared, and Gen, and we can go from there, okay? Eventually, I’d like to tell more people, but we can hold off on that until you’re more comfortable. How does that sound?”

Jensen bit his lip. “Yeah, I guess. Wait, Darius?”

“Yeah. I haven’t told him yet, but he knows about my feelings for you, and there’s no way I’m going to lie to him about it.”

“Can’t you just…”  
“No, Jen. He’s my best friend, and we’ve been through a lot together. Also, on a practical level, it’s important to let him know that I’m sleeping with someone else.”

Jensen blinked. “I’m sorry, what?”

“I’ve told you this, Jen,” Misha explained patiently. “Sometimes Darius and I have sex. It’s been maybe a year and a half, but it does happen sometimes.”

“So...why didn’t you tell me?”

“I _did_ tell you. Also, we haven’t done a lot of talking since we started dating thirty hours ago. I’ve been tested several times since the last time we slept together, and you and I have used protection.” 

“Are you like...are you in love with him?” Jensen asked, afraid of the answer. 

“No, that ship sailed a long time ago, and we’re much better as friends. I love him, but not in that way. It’s just some casual fun sometimes, or comfort when we need it. But also, Jensen...are you jealous?”

“I mean, yeah, like, how could I not be?”

“My relationship with him doesn’t have anything to do with you. And you don’t own me or anything. I’m allowed to have other connections.”  
Jensen sighed, burying his face in his hands. “I just...thought I was the only one.”

“You mean, other than my _wife_?” Misha sighed. “Look, you and Vicki are the only people I’m romantically attached to, and I don’t see that changing, at least not for the time being.”

“But like...I dunno, why do you need more?”

“Why do _you_ need more?” Misha shot back. Jensen looked hurt, and Misha softened. “I’m sorry, Jen. Basically, this is how I’m wired, and it makes me feel good and secure and loved, and as long as everyone is a consenting adult, there’s nothing wrong with it, so I don’t see why I _shouldn’t_ need it.”

Jensen stood up. “Look, I can’t do this right now. I think I need to take some time alone.”

“Wait, Jen, please don’t leave…”

“Misha, I just need some space. I’m not...I’ll come back, I’m not saying I won’t. I’m just really not comfortable with this yet and I need to work on it myself.” He shoved his hands in his pockets, looking awkward.

Misha sighed. “Can I kiss you goodbye?” Jensen nodded, and Misha stood up and did so, hugging him close afterwards. “Take care of yourself. Do you want to see each other before we have to be back on set together tomorrow, or?”

“I dunno, Mish. I’ll call you later, okay?”

Misha nodded. “Bye, then. Get home safely.”

* * *

The moment Jensen left, Misha dialed Danneel’s number.

“Mish? Hey, what’s up?”

“Jensen is struggling and I think he could really use a call from his wife right now.”

“What happened?” 

“Gay freakout.” Misha sighed. “And...polyamorous freakout? If that’s a thing? All kinds of freakout.”

Danneel laughed slightly. “Of course he is. Thanks for calling me, Misha. I’m sorry for all this, I feel like I could have done more…”

“No. No, don’t do that to yourself. You just have his best interests at heart, and I want to make sure you’re okay, too.”

“I'm okay, and I'm going to call him right now. Thanks, Mish."

"Of course."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Am I sorry for leaving it at a dramatic point? NOPE. This is payback for all the times other authors have done the same to me.


	7. Chapter Seven

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, I've broken it up one more time, the last one is *really* the end, I promise. Sorry, M, love you bunches!

"Hey, Danni," Jensen answered her call, trying to sound normal.

"Hey, babe. How are you doing?" There was a note of concern in her voice, but he tried to ignore it.

"Oh, I'm fine, just enjoying my weekend, that's all."

"Jensen."

"What?"

"Misha called me."

Jensen groaned. "What the fuck did he say?"

"He said you were struggling and could use some support. So talk to me and let me support you, okay?"

Jensen hesitated. "Look, I don't want to burden anyone else with this. That's why I left his place. I'll be fine, just have to, I don't know, figure some shit out."

"Jen, I need you to listen to me here, because you need to hear what I'm about to say. You are not wrong or bad or gross or less of a man for feeling the way you do or for acting on it. I fully support you in this, and I want you to be with Misha because he makes you happy and that's what I want for you. And I also want you to be able to explore this side of yourself, because I think you've been repressing it for a long time and that's not healthy. So just...take the time you need, but let Misha and me love and support you, okay?"

Jensen sniffed, trying to hold back tears. "Okay, I just…"

"Oh, Jen. I wish I could be there to hold you. Please let yourself cry, though. And if you can, let Misha be there for you. You always feel better if you're not alone when you cry."

"I don't want him to see me like this."

"Jen, that's part of what relationships are. You're going to end up being vulnerable in front of each other. But I'll sit here with you as long as you want, okay?"

"Okay. Thanks, Danni."

* * *

Misha called Darius that afternoon.

"Hey, babe! It's been a while. How are you doing?" His grin was audible over the phone.

"I'm...overall good?" Misha started.

"Uh oh."

"No, it's like...so you know Jensen, right? I've talked about him."

"Of course I know about Jensen, you've been mooning over him for years. And I repeat:  _ uh oh _ ."

Misha chuckled. "No, it's...so he came back to me, these six months later, and told me he does have feelings for me and that he wants to date me."

"Wow! Color me shocked. From what you had said, I thought he'd never get his shit together to that extent."

"Yeah, I'm proud of him. So we...you know, spent the day together yesterday."

Darius laughed. "Did you spend the day, or like,  _ spend the day _ ?"

"Fuck you," Misha said without heat. "Both, actually." He paused. "And it was all really smooth, and we had a conversation about coming out to people, and I said it would be good to tell Jared, so we did that at lunch today."

"Sounds reasonable so far…"

"Yeah. And then when we got back to my place, we started talking about his sexuality and I told him about you…"

"You hadn't?"

"I  _ had _ , but I guess he didn't remember or something. It kind of freaked him out."

"What, that you have a long-term fuck buddy?"

Misha sighed. "Thanks for always being classy, Darius. No, but he is just struggling with both his sexuality and the idea that poly is okay and good and that none of this is shameful. And I think it's harder for him to wrap his head around a relationship that’s just about sex."

"Wow, way to make a girl feel cheap."

Misha laughed. "Babe, you know what I mean. Anything romantic between us died out a long time ago, and I love you, but not like that. And Jensen is...too traditional to wrap his head around being good friends and also sleeping together sometimes but not having anything more...I don’t know, defined? At least when that’s accompanied by, like...also having wives and things. And then he doesn't like the possible labels for his relationship with me or for himself, and I think he's ashamed."

"Mish…" Darius hesitated.

"What?" Misha asked warily.

"Is this really what you want? To be over forty and dating a closet case?"

Misha sighed. "He's not...I mean, I guess technically he is, but he's working on it, and he's already made a lot of progress."

"And are you prepared to deal with that?"

"Yeah, I really think I am. He's important to me, and I'm pretty sure we'll get through this. It'll just take some time."

"Okay, if you say so."

Misha sighed contentedly. "I do love you, Dar."

"Yeah, I know, I love you too, you big sap."

“Oh, shush, you.” He paused. “Really, though, thank you."

"Of course." He paused, talking to someone in the background. “Okay, Liza needs me, I’m gonna go, if you’re okay?”

“Yeah, go ahead, babe. It was great to talk with you.”

* * *

Jensen called Misha after dinner that night.   


“Hi, Jen.” Misha said, slightly on guard.

“Hey.” There were a few moments of silence.   


“Well, this is a riveting conversation.” Misha quipped.

Jensen laughed. “Do you want to come over?”

“...sure. Now?” Misha asked hesitantly.

“Yeah, or whenever you can? I don’t want to interrupt anything, but…”

“I’m yours for the night, Jen. I’ll be over soon.”

* * *

When Misha arrived at Jensen’s place, Jensen opened the door and immediately kissed him, then pulled him into a long hug.

“Hi, sweetheart. How are you doing?” Misha asked.

“I’m...better? I was hoping we could spend some quiet time together and then maybe give that conversation another shot?”

“Of course.” They spent about an hour having drinks and chatting about the show and the scenes that were coming up that week.

After a while, Jensen paused. “Hey, so. I was hoping we could kind of have a re-do on that conversation? I’m still not super comfortable with all this, but I don’t want to hurt you, and I want to really try and do what you need.”   


Misha smiled softly. “Thanks, Jen. What I mostly need is the knowledge that you’ll get there eventually and that we have a plan for being more out about us.” He paused, weighing his words. “And I also need to make sure that we’re really clear that, well. You don’t own me. You can ask me for what you need, but I’m an independent person with my own needs and relationships, some of which precede you. Does that make sense?”

Jensen nodded. “Yeah. That’s sort of hard for me to handle, but I want to be okay with it, and I want to be able to have this relationship with you, so I’ll figure out how to get over it.”   


“Is there anything I can do to make you more comfortable with any aspect of things? I’m willing to talk or not talk about things, if that would help, or inform you about things before or after they happen, at least to some extent.”

Jensen hesitated. “Look, I know I don’t have the right to ask this…”

“Jen, you can  _ ask _ anything. I just can’t guarantee that I can give it to you.” Misha shifted so his arm was draped loosely around Jensen’s shoulders.

“Okay, so. Could you tell me more about things with Darius? I just don’t quite understand your relationship and it kind of freaks me out. I kinda thought I was the only guy you, you know…”

Misha nodded. “You’re the only guy I’m romantically attached to right now. Well, aside from Jared…” He winked at Jensen.

“You had better be fucking kidding me right now.”

“I am, Jen, relax. You and Vicki are my only serious or even regular partners...er...if I can call you that?” Jensen nodded hesitantly. “With Darius and me...we tried dating a couple times, first in high school when we were all just figuring things out, before I even met Vicki, and then again for a bit in college, but we realized that the romantic feelings just weren’t really there between us anymore. But the sex has always been good and we...fit together really well, so we’ve kept that up when it makes sense.” He looked to Jensen. “Is that a reasonable explanation?”

Jensen nodded slowly. “It is, I just...like, do you sleep with him a lot, or?”   


Misha shook his head. “We’re both married with kids, and he lives in Brooklyn, all the way on the other side of the country from me, so we don’t see each other that much to begin with, and then logistics are complicated at the best of times, so it’s actually been, I don’t know, probably close to two years? Something like that.” He paused. “But we have phone sex sometimes, usually as a comfort thing for me, because I really like his voice and he knows what to say…” he trailed off. “Does that help?”

“Yeah, I think so. I’m just still absorbing this.”

“Jen, just. I talk with him all the time, and normally it’s just catching up and being silly or working on projects together. It’s primarily a friendship, just...sometimes there’s sex.”

Jensen nodded. “Okay. Okay, I can be cool with this.”

“Jen, it’s okay to have your emotions, and I’m here to listen and help you process.”

Jensen shrugged. “I’ll be alright. I’m feeling calmer about things now.”

“Okay, good. Did you want to talk more about this, or…”

Jensen shook his head. “I don’t think I want to hear any more about what you and Darius get up to.”

“That’s fine with me. I...did want to go back to a different topic, if that’s okay?”

Jensen looked nervous. “What’s that?”

“I don’t need you to label yourself, that’s entirely up to you. I  _ do _ need you to feel okay about being attracted to and in a relationship with me, though. How can I help you do that?”

Jensen sighed. “Look, I...this shit goes deep. I spent six months processing it to the point where I could even talk with you about it, and it’s still not gone. But Danni said that I should talk to you about it and let you hold me while I cried about it and I just don’t know if I can do that.”

“Why not?”

“Because it’s humiliating to cry like that.”

“Oh, babe, no.” Misha enfolded Jensen in a hug. “Everybody cries sometimes, and it actually helps everything if you can be more in touch with your emotions. Also, I’m not going to judge you, you know I cry all the time. Hell, I’ve cried on stage at conventions.”

Jensen laughed a little. “Have you, really?”

“Yeah. I was talking about getting engaged to Vicki, and I got emotional.”

“Awww, you sap.” Jensen kissed his cheek.

“Everybody keeps calling me that today.”

Jensen looked confused. “Who...oh. Darius. Right.” Misha nodded, looking uncertain. “Well, look, I’ll just call Vicki and then you can have all three of your, uh, people call you a sap.”

Misha laughed and shoved him playfully. “Fuck you, Ackles.”

“You wish.”

“Well, yes. I thought that was obvious. You know, with the way I spent all day yesterday messing around with you.”

Jensen grinned. “Well, we’ve got time now…”

Misha leaned in, kissing him deeply. “I want you to know,” he said, moving to straddle Jensen’s lap. “That you’re not getting away with anything. I’m intentionally letting this conversation go for now.”


	8. Chapter 8

One day while they were taking a break in Misha’s trailer, Darius called Misha.

“Hey, babe. What’s up?” Misha answered. Jensen looked over at him, assuming it was Vicki.

“Liza and the kids are all heading out of town, and I just kind of missed you and wanted to hear your voice.”

“Awww, now who’s the sap?”

“Shut up, you love me. What are you up to?”

“I’m here in my trailer with Jensen, we’re in between takes.”

Jensen leaned in. “Hey, Vicki!”

Darius laughed uproariously. “I’m very flattered, I’ve never been confused for Vicki before.”

Misha smiled at Jensen. “It’s Darius, love.”

Jensen hesitated. “Ah. Hi, Darius.” He looked uncertain. “How’s it going?” Misha switched to speakerphone.

“Oh, you know, a little lonely, but mostly just spending a lot of time writing.”

Jensen nodded. “Cool, man.” Jensen leaned over and whispered to Misha, “hey, can I talk to you for a sec?”

Misha nodded. “Hey, Dar, can I put you on hold for a sec?”

“Sure, but no funny business, you two!” Misha laughed and hit the mute button.

“What’s up, babe?”

“Would you be open to inviting Darius out here sometime? I think I’d like to meet him in person and get to know him.”

Misha smiled. “Sure, I’d love to. Are you sure?”

“Yeah, I think it would take away the unknown quantity of it, you know? Plus, he’s important to you, so it’s important to me to get to know him.” Misha beamed at him. “What?”

“I love you and I’m proud of you, Jen.” Jensen blushed. Misha kissed him soundly, then unmuted his phone and turned on speakerphone. “Hey, Dar?”

“Yeah, babe?”

“How long are Liza and the kids gone?”

“A couple weeks. Why?”

“Do you want to come out here next weekend and hang out with Jensen and me? My treat.”

“Huh, yeah, I think I could do that! Anything in particular in mind, or…”

“Jensen wants to hang out with you and get to know you better.”

“That sounds awesome. Yeah, dude, I’d love to get to know you. Mish talks about you non-stop, and I’m curious to see if you live up to the hype.”

Misha blushed, and Jensen smiled softly at him. “You talk about me, babe?”

“Of course I do. Darius, if you were here right now, just know that I would smack you.”

Darius laughed. “Oh, is this the direction we’re going right now? What else would you do to me, babe?” He asked lasciviously, barely concealing a laugh.

“Fuck you, Dar.” Misha said without heat.

“That hasn’t happened in ages, I’d be happy to…”

Misha cut him off, laughing. “I’m hanging up now.”

“Yeah, yeah, love you too.”

Misha hung up and turned to Jensen. “I really am so proud of you, Jen. I’m glad you’re feeling more comfortable. I really want you to know the other people who are important in my life.”

“I want to know them, too. Although...is Darius always that flirtatious with you?”

Misha laughed. “Yeah, he’s like that even with people he doesn’t sleep with. I’m sure he’ll flirt with you, too. You’re so pretty.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Misha leaned their foreheads together for a moment before kissing him gently.

* * *

Misha went to pick Darius up at the airport while Jensen finished shooting for the day. When Darius got in the car, they kissed each other on the cheek and then had an awkward hug across the center console.

“Hey.” Darius grinned.

“I’m so happy to see you. It’s been forever.”

“It has! I’m so excited to meet your guy.”

Misha glanced over at him as he started to drive. “Please don’t torment him too much. He’s still a little fragile.”

Darius laughed. “Oh, yeah?”

“He’s gotten way better, and he specifically said he wanted to get to know you, but just like...please don’t scare him off. I really like him.”

“I know you do, babe. Don’t worry, I’ll behave. Well, as much as that’s possible, for me.”

Misha laughed. “You don’t have to stop being you, and he’ll love you, I know he will, just like...go a little easy on him at first?”

“Mish, trust me, I want this for you. I know he makes you happy.”

Misha smiled softly, blushing a bit. “Yeah, he really does.”

* * *

After Jensen finished filming for the day, he made his way to Misha’s apartment. He let himself in to find Misha and Darius on the couch together, Darius’ arm stretched out on the back of the couch behind Misha. When Misha heard Jensen come in, he jumped up to pull Jensen into his arms. “Hi, love. How was the rest of your day?”

Jensen smiled at him. “You know, same old. Jared was an ass, we had to refilm a bunch, just the usual.”

Misha laughed. “Well, you’re home now. Jen, this is Darius.”

Darius came up behind Misha. “Hey, nice to meet you. I’m a hugger by default. Is that okay with you?”

Jensen nodded. “Sure.”

Darius pulled him into a crushing hug. “I’m so excited to get to know you. Like I’ve said before, Misha talks about you all the time.”

Misha gave him a halfhearted shove. “Shush, Dar. Jen, I have dinner ready, do you want something to eat?”

They all retreated to the kitchen for their meal and spent the rest of the evening in pleasant conversation.

Later that night, after Darius had gone to bed, citing the three-hour time difference, Jensen and Misha lay in bed together. “How was tonight, love?” Misha asked.

“It was...surprisingly good. I thought I would be nervous around him, but once we started talking, it felt so easy and natural. I’m not feeling nearly so awkward about your...thing...anymore.”   
Misha smiled and kissed his chest. “Good. I’m so happy to have you in my life and to have you make connections with the other people I love.”

“Me, too. I love you, Mish.”

Misha smiled up at him. “I love you, too.”

**Author's Note:**

> This is one of the times Jensen explained that dinner  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q5Ei4ey3bQ4  
> Misha is all sincere for the first couple minutes, and then at around 2:00 Jensen tells the story
> 
> Comments are love!


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